Beyond Manicures and Massages: The True Meaning of Self-Care

Somewhere along the way, the word self got corrupted.
So many of us have been told we’re selfish.
Or we’ve quietly called ourselves selfish,
because someone else once spoke that word over us.

“Self-interest” has become an accusation.
A shadow.
Something negative.

And yet I can’t help but wonder:
What is left without self?

The question first came to me while sitting in a circle of healers.
We were talking about the mission of our gathering:
to offer self-care for those who spend their lives caring for so many.

My mind, as it often does, began wandering.
Curious.
Restless.
And then I heard myself asking aloud:

“Is there a self without care?”

Words matter.
They have roots.
They carry legacy.

So I keep turning this one over and over in my hand: self.
Is there truly a self if it is not cared for?
If it is not cared about?

Of course, the world has turned “self-care” into an industry.
“I’m getting a massage — oh, that’s my self-care.”
“I’ll do some self-care this weekend with a manicure and pedicure.”
“I think I’ll go sit by the pool. I really need some self-care.”

All of that has its place.
It offers beauty, wellness, and delight.
Sometimes it inspires us to our very core.

But then I wonder… the core of what?

Is it possible we’ve forgotten the sacredness of self?
That the essence of who we are needs protection,
awareness,
and devotion —
not just pampering?

Without this reverence, we risk letting self be diminished,
or worse, corrupted.

That is why I write.
Not to allow the corruption.
Not to let this sacred center dissolve.

As the book Silent Edge reminds us:
“Without setting your own definition, you’ll unconsciously inherit someone else’s, which leads to burnout or hollow success. You can’t outsource your self-value; it must be consciously authored.”

This is the invitation:
to consciously author the meaning of self.

Will you join me in reclaiming it?
Not the marketed version.
Not the hollow clichés.

But the living, breathing, sacred self.

For me, self-care that afternoon was not a manicure or a massage.
It was belonging.
It was showing up, being present, letting myself be enough —
whether I spoke or stayed silent.

That simple act of presence was self-care in its truest form.

So I leave you with this question:
How will you define self?
What identity does it hold for you?

Perhaps begin there.
Write it.
Meditate on it.
Speak it aloud in conversation.

Because when we reclaim the beauty of this word,
we reclaim ourselves.

My conversation as I was driving away from Valaterra:breathwork summit, August 2025.

The above is the published blog.

Somewhere along the way, the word self got corrupted. So many people either been told selfish or refer to themselves as selfish and that is likely because somewhere along the way they were told they were selfish. Self interest seems to imply a negative and yet I’m left wondering what is left without self. 

So as I was sitting in a circle of healers this day, the announcement of the mission or the essence of this group was an offering of self-care for those who care for so many and my mind began wondering and becoming curious as is so often on the case, and I heard myself sitting there speaking aloud The question, “ is there a self without care”?

I think there’s a lot to consider and look at in that question not because I’m the one doing the asking because words are so impactful and important. They have legacy and they have roots. They have meaning and  purpose.

So is there indeed self if it is not cared for or cared about? 

Self-care has almost become an industry hasn’t it?  you’re going to get a massage oh that self-care I’m gonna do self-care this weekend. I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure. Oh man I need some self-care. I think I’ll go sit by the pool. Go to the beach while all of that Offers us. Beauty and wellness and enjoyment inspires us often to our very core that leaves me wondering the core of what the core of what is it possible we have forgotten the sacredness of self in and of itself it is so sacred and without caution and awareness, and a protectiveness from the heart over this very Being or essence of self we’ve corrupted it or allowed it to be corrupted around us.

This blogger is my way of not allowing. Not allowing the corruption. Not allowing the demise of something that has such a sacred center to it. Will you join me and reclaiming the beauty of this word self? Will you join me on the journey of me ending in your mind and in your meditation and potentially in your conversations, and hopefully in your conversation with me at some point in the future, as we expand upon the meaning of self, how you define it or philosophy, if any, do you swirl around this word self? What identity does that word hold for you? Does your identity hold that word?

I will wrap up this meandering of my mind by reporting to you. My afternoon of self-care was just that I settled in. I belonged. I was quite enough, whether I spoke or not contributed or not. The value of myself showing up being present, was indeed self-care.

Use quote to build upon from book Silent Edge: Without setting your own definition, you’ll unconsciously inherit someone else’s, which leads to burnout or hollow success.

You can’t outsource your self-value; it must be consciously authored.